Obsession
by Kame-tan
Summary: He lives for both akuma and humans but does he live for one side more?


Akuma.

Just the word sends shivers down my spine.

My eye searches for any akuma, no matter how far they may be.

I will lose sleep over trying to see an akuma three towns away.

When it approaches, my blood boils and my heart starts to

_Race_. My fingers tingle to destroy in order to

_Save_. My breathing

Speeds up, my palms get sweaty, my senses become sharper.

The goose bumps on the back of my neck and arms show

My anticipation, my eagerness to do my job.

I _love_ being an exorcist: it's the best job in the world.

I can, and have, spent all day and night wiping out fleets of the demons.

The adrenaline rush I get when I attack is so great it makes me lightheaded.

The thrill of setting another

Soul free sends spasms rocking through my body.

It is pure ecstasy; no drug or drink can match the

_Joy_

In ripping through their metal bodies. After I destroy one, I frantically

Search for another, my cursed eye

Reacting violently to their presence. The pounding

In my head won't go away

Nor the extra burst of energy that pushes me forward.

_I have to save them; I have to free their souls from their suffering. I MUST find more akuma. For their sake, not mine. Only for their sake._

I keep destroying until there are none left. After they're all gone, I feel

Light

Relieved

And relaxed, yet my eye goes right back

To searching for more, more souls to save, more akuma to destroy.

Soon my muscles tense up and my head hurts as I

Go longer without any akuma nearby.

My eye _demands_

That I go out and destroy the akuma three towns away.

_It's unhappy there; I should go and relieve it of its suffering. Akuma don't belong in this world. My destroying them helps them to find peace and happiness. Who am I to deny them that?_

I wrestle with myself to stay where I am, to not go

Chasing akuma hundreds of miles away.

Ever since I discovered the ark, it's been even more difficult to not go after akuma.

I could spend days just going through different doors

And eliminating any akuma I find.

_Why, why must they restrain me, hold me back? Can't they see that allowing me to go after the akuma will only help them?_

No matter how tired, exhausted, and

Broken my body is, I just can't leave the akuma alone.

My desire to destroy, to save is so great that

Even when I lose consciousness, my body keeps fighting.

Crown Clown _understands_ me; it keeps me going when I can't go on.

It strives to get the job done when I can't

Finish. The happiness of destroying an akuma isn't quite the same

When my Innocence decides to take over my body;

I suppose that may partly be due to the fact that I'm usually

Half conscious when it happens.

However, I still feel euphoria after the battle;

I still feel relieved and happy when it's over, and my eye

Still goes back to searching.

The akuma are just as obsessed with me as I am with them.

No, I'm not talking about the monstrous, destructive shell that's often responsible for

Hundreds of deaths and tragedies: I'm referring to the

Enslaved soul writhing in pain. Master says they come to me because of my coat;

Lavi says that I'm just unlucky.

The truth is that the akuma seek me because they

_Know_ and _understand_:

They _know_ I can see their souls and hear their cries of agony;

They _understand_ that I want to, have to,

_**MUST**_ **destroy them.**

They understand that half of my existence is for their sake. I can't live without the akuma.

The Earl send the akuma after me because he knows and understands; he knows that I have an

Obsession with the akuma, and he understands that I cannot,

_**Will not**_, ignore any akuma in front of me.

He sends them after me as a distraction while he and the Noah

Wreak havoc on mankind. He knows how to use Mana's curse against me.

I can't but wonder what the world will be like after the Earl is defeated; it's the dream that keeps me and the others going through the darkest of times.

However, there are times when I can't imagine myself in the future with the others: It's not just that the 14th is trying to take over my memories and body, but that

I am an akuma weapon. I live for the battlefield.

I will always seek them. They will always seek me.

It is a mutual attraction.

How can someone such as I live in a world without akuma?

My left arm exists to free their souls; my eye exists to see their pain. Most of

My life has revolved around them. How can I _**live **_when half of me will

Cease to function

To exist

With the destruction of the Earl?

Will this akuma weapon even be allowed to see the light of such a day?

…I don't spend too much time on that though; there are akuma that need to be destroyed.

I am an exorcist.

Exorcists exist to combat the Earl and his army of akuma.

Fighting the akuma is more than just my job; it is my obsession.

It is my life.

* * *

Kame: This is based on that episode when Allen's Innocence reforms into Crown Clown, the episode when the Earl calls Allen a demon, and the episode when the level 4 breaks into headquarters. This is definitely different from any other style I've done so far; it's like a poem, but it's not. I have mixed feelings about this piece; this is another side of Allen, but I don't know if this side really exists, of if this is something I just made up.…so how about you tell me in a review? =)


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